Archive for November, 2005

My Marathon

Wednesday, November 30th, 2005

Waltzing Anna Word to the wise:

Do not…DO NOT…watch about three hours of “Scrubs” and then try to show your girlfriend how to do something in Excel, because you WILL have an almost unresistable urge to talk to her like Dr. Cox

Sesame Street Presents: Follow that Bird release

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir divx

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!

. In fact, Marcie, that urge will REMAIN even as you type this in a vain effort to get that unexpected and, frankly, irrational rage out of you so that you don’t make her slap you in the face so hard that your ears wrap around your head and cause a ringing sound that will last into the next decade.

But We Got John Rooney, Ha!

Wednesday, November 30th, 2005

The Trib: Sox re-sign Konerko

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This is a win for baseball, not just the Chicago White Sox and their fans.

There was something special about the 2005 South Siders. Something personal, something we hadn’t seen in a long time. Unlike their counterparts, that other set of hosiery a year prior, their storybook/Hollywood rise to glory was kept on the backburner, as if anyone could care about the second team in the Second City. Go back to 2003 and look at the press the Cubs got for just reaching the NLCS; contrast that with the apathy sent the Sox’ way after they won the town’s first pennant since 1959. Boston and Chicago (N) were treated as conquering heroes long before titles were won (or in the case the latter, lost with five wins left to go.) The White Sox: ho hum.

I don’t think anybody even really believed they would win the World Series until they went up three-to-zip in Houston. And even then…who knows.

They did win, though, and for all the talk we heard about the chemistry of the 2003 and 2004 World Champions – well, the Pale Hose put that to shame. The Marlins did it with young stars: your Becketts and Willises, etc., and a dash of veteran skill. But there were true stars, just like when they did it in ‘97. The Red Sox: puh-lease. David Ortiz and Johnny Damon may not have been as highly regarded before 2004 as they were on the championship parade floats after the campaign, but they were still big time sluggers. As was much of the lineup. The rotation: Pedro. Schilling. Oh my. This team was stacked, not a bunch of loveable also-rans that banded together as if Tom Berenger was just waiting to call his shot and put down a squeeze bunt, no matter what the media would have you think.

The White Sox…not so much.

Ozzie Guillen poured heart into this team, and without a legitimate superstar in the lineup they won the whole damn thing. Yes, the rotation won the day for them, but no one gave your Buehrles or your Garcias much respect heading into 2005, now did they?

No one gave Paul Konerko any respect.

I saw this kid on opening day 1998 at old Busch Stadium II, where the big story was Ramon Martinez vs. Mark McGwire (#1 of 70.) A highly touted prospect, he didn’t meet expectations and eventually found his way to obscurity on the South Side.

Until now. Five years, sixty millions dollars.

Hey, it’s a weak free agency market this year to be sure. This isn’t chump change. But considering the exchange rate of USD to MLBD, it’s the right price, and the right place. Chicago (A) just won the 2006 title, their second straight, and congrats to them, and moreso to Konerko: not only will he be rich, but he will be happy, and a hero to a fast-growing fanbase of millions. Not to mention, a role model: if you find a special place, stay there, even if you already have the ring. Stay for your teammates, stay for the fans. The money’s a bonus.

This is good for baseball.

Pow Pow Power

Monday, November 28th, 2005

My XM Radio SkyFi 2 is coming up on its one year anniversary: twelve months of awesome, commercial free radio, every Major League Baseball game and garbled traffic channels that occasionally give the temperature at LAX on the St. Louis station. It’s fun to know it’s clear and 56 degrees when you’re driving 15 MPH on the Interstate amidst a heavy blizzard.

While the baseball coverage helped my decision to purchase XM, it was 80’s on 8 that sealed the deal. I would listen to it at work and miss my 80s music that came from The Mall, an attempt by Emmis

download Cabin Fever

to program an all-eighties radio station in Mound City. Even though in the latter half of its three year life it was infused with a mix of some nineties tunes as well, there was still a quite good Go-Gos to Hootie ratio, and this pleased me to no end. Plus, I could hear Batdance. Friggen’ BATDANCE, people!

But it dead now. Killed by low ratings. Gasp.

So XM became my new love, what with forty-five minute one-way commutes. Even if Bruce Kelly couldn’t shut up in the morning, I could find something to listen to between the 70s, 80s and 90s channels, the various contemporary hits jukebox stations, not to mention – *swoon* – Cinemagic, which just plays score and source music from films, along with brief cuts of dialogue. Genius. Heaven. Yes.

Now my habits are changing.

Beatles-obsessed Emily and I took a brief roadtrip to Nashville (Tennessee, not Illinois) in late September and the SkyFi got changed to the 60s on 6, a channel I had not tuned into for more than five seconds for whatever reason.

Mistake.

This is radio heaven. Not only the music, which is mostly good (which we will get back to,) but especially the jocks and imaging. Some channels are neglected by XM, like the generic pop jukebox channels (Mix, Kiss, etc.) There are no DJs, just a promo every so often, and then more music. It’s a glorified iPod Shuffle. 60s on 6 is the opposite: all of the DJs are amazing, the liners and jingles are fabulous, and the shows… the Super Satellite Survey countdown… salutes to historic oldies stations… oh, my. Amazing.  So now the 60s on 6 has most of my XM attention (though Holly has in the last week captured a share, as I listen impatiently to hear The Waitresses’ “Christmas Wrapping”).

Interesting Uses For iPod Video

Sunday, November 27th, 2005

Heard on the intercom today at work:

“This is a customer page. Would Ron Jeremy

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please come to the mp3 aisle. Ron Jeremy to mp3s.”

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It was the kid’s name.

My store manager just laughed.

What a Terrible Thing

Thursday, November 24th, 2005

I love holiday shopping commercials. The whole holiday season from Thanksgiving through the end of the year – not the day of Christmas – is always much fun for me, particularly the secular/commercial side of things (the music, the store decorations, etc.) which sounds horrid but is unfortunately much true.

Anyway, I love holiday shopping commercials, particularly the more historic department stores. Sears had their “Merry Side” campaign back in ‘96 or ‘97, and I still know all the words to their thirty-second song that ran throughout yet another NBC telecast of Home Alone:

Here comes Christmas!
Here we go!
The time is near I can’t move slow
Gonna get out early, get things done
Color of Night trailer
Can’t sit around I’ve got to run(Sears) Sears brings the season (season)
The gifts of joy and hope and cheer
I find it all right here
Come see the merry side of Sears

That was from memory, people. I LOVE THAT JINGLE. I may propose soon.

Anyway (part two,) this year JC Penney’s campaign apparently involves the Electric Light Orchestra song Livin’ Thing, a suitable choice for some I guess (with its chorus “It’s a givin thing”) but unfortunate for me.

The Magdalene Sisters film

Or anyone else who has seen Boogie Nights.

After over two hours of ups-and-downs, tantrums and a lot of sex, we’re left with that tune to carry us into the credits. Seriously, that’s the first thing I thought when I saw the commercial. “Let’s go to JC Penney on Friday and look at Marky Mark’s giant wang! Little Bill shoots himself in the head after his porn star wife screws Santa! Come see Rollergirl in the juniors department! Doc Ock sings along with Sister Christian!”

NO.

Home for the Holidays

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005

First posted two years ago, I resurrect for you my Letter to Future Day After Thanksgiving Shoppers. Note for my own protection that this was written not about the patrons of my current employer, but my former one, our competition. Our customers are angels!

An open letter to future Day After Thanksgiving shoppers (specifically, a loud but vocal minority of them):

Arriving five hours before the store opens does not assure that the product you want will be there to be purchased. The ad says “minimum six.” That means we may not have more than six. If you’re seventh in line, you may just be screwed. Deal with it. What you wanted was a piece of crap anyway. Come back to the department and we’ll show you something that doesn’t suck.

Virus
Dragonball Evolution dvd

Arriving five hours after the store opens all but assures that the product you want will NOT be there to be purchased. Did you see those long lines that the news copters showed this morning while you brushed your teeth? Those people weren’t lined up for tickets for Supertramp. Ask me to “check in the back” one more time and I shall promptly introduce you to the back of my hand.

Please do not give me that look when I tell you the other offers we have to go with the cheap notebook you’re purchasing, particularly anti-virus protection. When you return three months from now to have us remove a virus because you weren’t smart enough to buy Norton to protect your sad, cheap computer from your Kazaa addiction, please remember that we warned you this would happen. Remember in August when everyone got the Blaster virus? That was actual news, not a made for TV movie. I know you have trouble telling the difference sometimes.

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Yes, you do have to get in “that line” to check out. Yes, it is very long. Thank you, I went blind for a second and could not tell. Now, I know the concept of the day after Thanksgiving being a busy shopping day is foreign to you, and you did not expect there to be more than, oh, four or five people other than you in the store, but this is your problem, not mine. I have a brain.

I know the line is moving slow. Lines that snake through three aisles until it’s made it halfway to the back of the building tend not to move at lightning speed. This isn’t helped by you, my friend, who feel the need to wait until you are at the register to tell us that you’d like to use our financing even though you were informed earlier that it had to be taken care of elsewhere. And yes, we will have to call the bank to verify your payment; checks numbered “105″ are not usually considered reliable. Meanwhile, asking us to “open more registers” is kind of useless considering every register in the building is in use. Contrary to popular belief we do not possess magic invisible cash registers.

That you know of.

Also, managers do not have a magic powder that enables cash registers to work at double speed. Asking them to speed up a line will not result in people walking as if they were in “fast-forward” mode. Unless this manager is a magician, that is. This is rare.

Yes, you have to take a number to talk to a salesman. Wait, what am I saying? There were only ten people that came in before you. Let’s screw them over and grab people at random. To hell with the idea of “first come, first serve.” You’re loud and boorish, so of course we will help you first. Duh.

Dibs

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005

Two guys walking out of work this morning:

Guy on right: How can you call dibs Twister movie download ? It’s a two player system!

Guy on left: Yeah, but…

Guy on right: And you have two controllers. And it’s a two player game.

The Fly II ipod

Avenging Angelo trailer

Guy on left: But I have dibs.

Google, c. 1960

Sunday, November 13th, 2005

So this is cute: Google, circa 1960.

Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World movie

Only one problem:

We didn’t have ZIP codes in 1960.

But “A” for effort.

Avenging Angelo release

The Fly II full

Latino Heat

Sunday, November 13th, 2005

Eddie Guerrero died today.

I got interested in pro wrestling in late 1998, and it wasn’t the pagentry or the ludicrous storylines that did it. It was the art. People like Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho and Ric Flair that caught my fancy, part of the reason that I watched WCW for months before entertaining the idea of sampling the WWF.

Eddie Guerrero was one of those, like the aforementioned, that was hardly your pathetic, untalented Hulk Hogan types. You might think of rasslin’ as a roided freak throwing poorly choreographed punches that stop five inches from his opponent’s face. Not always true: those with the mad skills of Mr. Guerrero told a story in the ring, using an amazing set of moves to make you believe you were watching a struggle between two passionate warriors. It wasn’t always Shakespeare, but it could be.

I came in just after the glory days of technical wrestling, but I still got to witness some awesome moments. For every tacky angle – like the “Latino World Order” – there was a memory to treasure, like one of the best days of my pro wrestling history: when he, Benoit, Saturn and Malenko jumped to Raw and I was literally on the edge of my seat (well, bed) for ten minutes.

I might get that tape out tonight.

He was a glorious entertainer – in and out of the ring. Hot on the mic, great off the ropes, and he could tell a story on the mat like few others. When he won the world title in February 2004, I laughed and celebrated like a child, and a month later when he retained at WrestleMania XX on the same night that my very favorite, Benoit, won the Raw brand heavyweight title, and the two hugged in the ring at MSG and cried, I almost joined them.

I got that DVD out and watched it already.

Rest in peace, Eddie, and thank you for all you’ve done to entertain me.

The Missouri Separates the Kansas Cities

Tuesday, November 8th, 2005

I am back, though my website gives you no proof. Until now. That’s what I’m here for, more or less.

NaNoWriMo is D.O.A. for me this year. With my trip beginning October 31, I had no time to write and no idea anyway, so woe is me.

Big Fish video

Kingdom of Heaven rip Again…maybe next year.

• The plane ride back was better than the trip west, with the
exception that we almost took an earlier flight. With about four hours to just sit around the C terminal at Denver, we debated begging the American Connection folk to let us on a plane that departed two hours early, but decided against it since we would have to wait around at Lambert for our luggage anyway since we had already checked when we arrived.

Around 9:10 PM CST we stood around carousel four at Lambert waiting for our suitcases to emerge. Instead, we watched the device shut off completely, and our flight number removed from the board.

A quick trip into the office revealed the reason: our luggage came in on the early flight.